Having to have a son - the pressure is eroding marital happiness
Although society increasingly promotes gender equality, the pressure to have children, especially boys, still weighs on many women, making them feel defeated just because of their gender.
Ms. Nguyen Minh (34 years old, Phu Tho) has been married for 6 years, has two daughter who are good at studying. But in the eyes of her husband's family and her husband, that was still not enough.
"My mother-in-law is not evil, but every holiday, she hinted that her grandchild would be expious. Once, I had not yet healed my surgery wound after giving birth to my second child, so she asked the doctor if I still had any hope for a third time, Ms. Minh sadly said.
What made Ms. Minh most heartbroken was her husband's silence. He did not say anything, but he had never stood by her.
Similarly, Ms. Huong Tra (29 years old, Hanoi) was directly pressured by her husband. After three years of marriage, she gave birth to a baby boy but was not healthy. Her husband blamed his wife for "not knowing how to keep it", while her husband's family kept trying to save her life.
I see myself as a reproductive machine. No one asked me if I was tired. I once hid in the company's toilet and cried to tears," said Ms. Huong Tra.
Don't let expectations of gender and children kill marriage
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc (Nhan Hoa Viet Psychotherapy and Consulting Center) believes that the pressure to have a son can be a drop of overflowing water, but the real reason for a broken marriage is that the couple is no longer together.
Among the thousands of couples I have met, the common point of lasting marriages is not that they have few conflicts, but that they know how to overcome conflicts together, the expert said.
According to Mr. Duc, when a woman has to bear the pressure to have children alone, especially from her husband's family and her husband's own family, marriage has lost its core, which is solidarity.
A marriage only becomes a burden when two people stop to consider each other as teammates, but start to see each other as the ones causing trouble, the expert emphasized.
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc recommends that couples need to be honest with each other about having more children - is it a desire for love or just to meet expectations from the outside? Husbands need to show support through actions, not just words. And above all, children should be accepted as independent individuals, not the embodiment of a certain ideal gender.
