On evenings in Mr. Thanh's small house (47 years old, in Phu Tho), after a simple meal, his 11-year-old son quietly cleans the bowls, arranges books and then sits at the desk to study. Mr. Thanh sits on the edge of the bed, watching his son, holding a cup of cold tea.
The house still has enough lights, enough living sounds, but for the past 5 years there has been an unfilled void.
His wife died of COVID-19 in 2021. The event happened too quickly, leaving the two fathers and sons struggling in the days of both fighting the loss and learning how to continue living.
In those days, I almost didn't have time to prepare anything. From a well-off family, suddenly only the two fathers and sons relied on each other," he recounted.
His son is 11 years old this year. He is well-behaved, studies quite well and is especially understanding. That understanding sometimes makes Mr. Thanh feel even more heartbroken.
Many mornings, when he had not even woken up, his son would dress himself, eat breakfast himself, and prepare his schoolbag for school.
One day, seeing his father sitting silently on the porch, the boy just silently poured a glass of water and whispered: "Dad, take a break.
The more independent my child is, the more I love him. He seems forced to grow up too early," he said.
For the past 5 years, he has almost put aside all personal emotions. Life only revolves around work and his son, from meals, sleep to studying. But when night falls, the child has fallen asleep, loneliness appears more clearly than ever.
At the age of 47, he started thinking about taking another step. Not because he wanted someone to replace his deceased wife, but because after years of burdening, he also hoped to have someone to share with, to continue the remaining journey together.
But what made him hesitate was not the words of life, but his son.
I'm just afraid my child will be hurt. I'm afraid my child will think that my father has someone new, a forgotten mother. I'm afraid the appearance of someone else will make my child feel something is lost," he confided.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center, the concern of single fathers and mothers before their second marriage is very natural.
After the loss, adults not only think for themselves but also seriously ask what will happen to their children if the family has a new person.
He believes that the important thing is not whether the father should take another step or not, but whether the child is fully protected emotionally or not. Children at this age are very easily insecure, easily afraid of being abandoned or thinking they have to share their father's feelings with others.
Therefore, if you want to open your heart, the father needs to walk slowly, honestly and subtly enough. Be honest with yourself about the need to be happy, but also need to talk to the child to understand that no one will replace mother, and even more so, no one will take away the father's love for the child.
Expert Mai Viet Duc emphasized that a relationship that is safe enough to move towards a second marriage must have clarity with the past, frank communication and respect for the child.
The new person not only loves the man, but must also be tolerant enough to accept the situation, accompany the child instead of creating more pressure for the child.
At the age of 47, Mr. Thanh has every right to open his heart once again. But that happiness is only truly sustainable when it is built with patience, empathy and listening.
Because after all, not only children need a home with love. An adult who has gone through loss also deserves a hand to hold onto the remaining journey.
