Each generation has its own way of taking care of children
Every summer, many families in Can Tho City face the problem of taking care of their children. When parents still have to go to work, grandparents become the ones who directly take care of their children during the summer vacation.
Having a child in 3rd grade, Ms. Nguyen Ngoc Tram (Ninh Kieu ward, Can Tho city) said that although she has registered her child to participate in swimming and English classes for some sessions a week, the family still has to ask grandparents to support picking up and dropping off and taking care of them outside of school hours.
Sending children to grandparents helps my husband and I feel secure when going to work because the children are in a familiar environment, with relatives taking care of them. However, grandparents often spoil their children, show them their phones for a long time or respond immediately when they ask. My husband and I want our children to have a clear living schedule and limit electronic devices," Ms. Tram said.
From the perspective of the person directly taking care of the child, Ms. Pham Thuy Kieu (O Mon ward, Can Tho city) said that being close to the children is a great joy for her and her husband. However, taking care of children is not easy at all.
Every grandparent loves their grandchildren, so many times when they see their grandchildren demanding, they soften their hearts. Sometimes when children give advice, I also feel sad because I think I take care of my grandchildren all day but still haven't done it according to my wishes. Later, the whole family agreed to exchange more gently, and everyone felt comfortable. I also try to change some habits to suit my children's parenting methods," Ms. Kieu confided.
Need companionship instead of right or wrong
Talking to Lao Dong Newspaper, psychologist Mai Ngoc Quyen - NHC Vietnam Center for Human Development and Psychology - said that the conflict between parents and grandparents in taking care of children does not stem from who loves the child more, but from the difference in the way they express love.
According to experts, grandparents often grow up in difficult circumstances, so love is expressed by protecting, caring for and meeting the wishes of their grandchildren. Meanwhile, today's generation of parents have access to a lot of knowledge about psychology and education, so they pay more attention to building discipline, self-reliance and adaptive skills for children.
This difference causes many families to have conflicts in familiar issues such as phone usage time, living hours, study, diet or how to handle when children dive and do not listen.
According to Ms. Mai Ngoc Quyen, behind those disputes is often the feeling of incomprehension of both generations. Parents may feel that their childcare rights are interfered with, while grandparents think that their efforts in taking care of their grandchildren have not been recognized.
Experts also emphasize that taking care of children should not be seen as the default responsibility of grandparents but as support stemming from love. Families need to agree from the beginning on principles for taking care of children during the summer, from the time of using electronic devices, eating hours, sleeping hours to how to handle when children do not cooperate. More importantly, all suggestions should start with mutual recognition and respect.
When parents know how to thank their grandparents for their support, and grandparents are willing to receive new child-rearing knowledge, both generations will easily find common ground. This not only helps reduce pressure on adults but also creates a stable and positive development environment for children throughout the summer vacation," expert Mai Ngoc Quyen shared.
