Once thought marriage would be a beautiful ending to a long-term love journey, but just a few months after getting married, Ms. Le Thanh Lien (28 years old, Thai Nguyen) burst into tears many times because of seemingly very small conflicts.
When they were in love, each meeting only lasted a few hours. The dates were always well prepared, both of them tried to give each other the best things.
But married life is completely different. Even a small matter can become a cause of controversy.
Initially, every time disagreements occurred, both of us tried to explain to make the other person understand our thoughts.
However, later on, the repeated contradictions gradually turned conversations into prolonged debates," Ms. Lien said.
According to Ms. Lien, conflicts often last because no one wants to take the blame for their mistakes, and everyone believes they have a valid reason.
Prolonged silence makes small problems unresolved, on the contrary, increasingly piled up.
I used to think that just loving each other was enough to enter marriage. Only when we got married did we understand that loving and living together are two completely different stories," Ms. Lien shared.
Also experiencing a similar feeling, Mr. Nguyen Gia Vuong (31 years old, Tuyen Quang) said that his couple's conflicts began to appear from very ordinary issues, especially financial matters.
Before getting married, both had stable incomes and did not have to worry much about each other's spending habits.
After the wedding, everything from rent, electricity, water, living expenses to house purchase plans, and childbirth becomes a common problem. Differences in spending views gradually make the family atmosphere heavy.
According to Mr. Vuong, the most difficult thing is not the lack of money, but that everyone has a different view of responsibility and priorities in life.
Every time an argument occurs, both try to defend their point of view. Some people want to clarify everything at that moment, while others choose to remain silent to avoid conflict. The difference in the way conflicts are resolved has caused both of them to fall into deadlock many times.
In fact, post-marital conflicts are not uncommon in young couples. If the love phase is mainly nurtured by emotions and romance, marriage puts each person before a series of new responsibilities.
As the pressure of life increases, differences in personality, habits and behavior gradually become clear. It is worth mentioning that many arguments do not originate from too big problems, but from the fact that both want to defend their views rather than find ways to resolve conflicts.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center, the important thing is not whether husband and wife argue or not, but how both reconcile after conflicts.
After each argument, the important thing is not to determine who wins and who loses, but for both to have more understanding for each other.
Don't put too much emphasis on who is right and who is wrong. In marriage, the winner in an argument is sometimes the loser in a relationship. What is more important is whether after a conflict, both of you understand each other better or not," the psychologist said.
Also according to experts, when both want to maintain their marriage, apologies or proactive reconciliation will no longer be difficult to say. Marriage does not need two people to always be right, but needs two people to always want to come back together.
