In the days leading up to Tet, the small apartment of Ms. Nguyen Kim Lan (32 years old, living in Hoa Binh ward, Phu Tho province) rarely turns off the lights before midnight.
Not because of parties or gatherings of friends, but because the list of things to do keeps getting longer and longer day by day, cleaning the house, shopping, preparing gifts for both paternal and maternal families, booking bus tickets, arranging homecoming schedules...
Ms. Lan shared: "Every year at the end of the year, I feel like I'm running a "Tet project". From which side of the country I go to first, how long I stay, what gifts I buy for each person, to who takes care of the children, who takes care of the kitchen, almost I am the one who has to think and decide".
Not only the story of celebrating Tet anywhere, for many young women, Tet is also an invisible burden of responsibilities that have been prescribed for a long time.
They are both daughters-in-law and wives, mothers, and also play the role of "rhythm keepers" so that everything goes smoothly and peacefully.
Mr. Tuan (35 years old, from Bac Ninh) admitted that it was not until a few years ago that he really realized the pressure that his wife bears every Tet occasion: "Before, I thought Tet was a common family matter, whoever was free could do it, without needing to divide clearly. But once I saw my wife burst into tears because she was too tired, I was startled to realize that I was almost standing outside.
According to Mr. Tuan, many men still unconsciously believe that their main responsibility is to take care of finances, while trivial tasks such as cleaning the house, shopping, scheduling visits to relatives are left to their wives to manage.
It is this way of thinking that makes Tet, instead of being an occasion for rest and reunion, become a time when women are exhausted both physically and mentally.
Many marital conflicts flared up from very small things such as gifts from which side are more, returning to the countryside for a few days is reasonable, who has to stay up early to cook the feast, who has the right to rest.
“Sometimes I ask myself, when both of us go to work together, contribute financially to the family, why is Tet still considered a woman's job,” Ms. Lan said.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Center for Counseling and Psychological Therapy, in recent years, many young couples have proactively "redesigned" their families' Tet.
They sat down together early to divide work, agree on budgets, discuss time to return to their hometowns, and even accept simplifying formalities to maintain comfort.
When the husband rolls up his sleeves into the kitchen, cleans the house together, looks after the children, or proactively stands out to take care of visiting relatives, the pressure on the wife's shoulders is visibly eased.
Tet, in the end, is not who does more than who, but the feeling of being accompanied. A sustainable marriage does not lie in maintaining all the old "standards", but in the ability to listen, adjust and share for each other," the expert said.
