In married life, many conflicts do not originate from too big a difference, but from the fact that two people do not really listen to each other. When emotions are overlooked or misunderstood, seemingly harmless words easily become scratches that are difficult to heal.
According to Psychology Today, psychological studies show that the feeling of being listened to helps people reduce stress, increase feelings of security and connection in relationships. Conversely, being frequently interrupted, judged or denied emotions makes the other person easily fall into a state of defensiveness and prolonged hurt.
Many couples have a habit of "hearing to refute" instead of "hearing to understand". When one person just speaks, the other person has prepared rebuttal arguments, the conversation quickly turns into arguments. The Gottman Institute - a reputable marriage research organization in the US - said that happy couples often know how to listen to the emotions behind words, instead of just focusing on right and wrong.
Effective listening requires complete presence. This includes temporarily hanging up the phone, not interrupting, and responding with understanding expressions like "I understand why you feel that way". According to Verywell Mind, simple but sincere responses are enough to help the other person feel respected and soothe negative emotions.
Another important factor is listening without judgment. When a partner shares, they do not always need immediate advice or solutions. Sometimes, what they need most is to be listened to and recognize their emotions. Harvard Health Publishing experts emphasize that empathy in communication helps reduce psychological trauma and increase the durability of marital relationships.
In marriage, listening is not a innate skill but a habit that needs to be cultivated every day. When both of you know how to listen with respect and empathy, unnecessary hurts will gradually be replaced by understanding and long-term attachment.
