I used to dislike stepfather but never dared to tell my mother.
He didn't beat me from the early days. Initially, it was just scolding me when I ate slowly, left books cluttered, or forgot to do something my mother had told me to do. Then, whenever he was angry, he made me stand face down against the wall, pinch my ears, or use my hand to hit my legs.
My mother knew it once or twice. She often dragged me into the room, applied oil to the painful area and said: "You try to be a little more obedient. I'm hot-tempered but I'm also worried about you and me.
I listened. I practiced walking very lightly at home, eating rice without speaking, finishing the exam and putting away the books neatly. I thought if I was just good, he wouldn't get angry anymore.
But I was wrong.
One afternoon, I lost the old phone he gave me for convenient contact. When he knew about it, my stepfather dragged me into the room, slapped me and then used a plastic hanger to hit my hands and feet repeatedly.
Mom came home from work, looking at the red marks on my body. The first time, she didn't ask: "What did you do?". Mom asked: "Who beat you like this?".
I just looked down at the ground and cried. That was the third time my mother knew I was being beaten by my uncle.
That night, my mother and stepfather argued for a long time. My mother shouted: "You hit me, I can restrain myself. But if you hit my child, I will live and die with you!
I sat in the outer room, listening to him say that children must be "taught to be careful", that my mother spoiled me, so I was spoiled. Sometimes he even said that if my mother sided with her child, then later don't blame him for not caring anymore.
Around midnight, my mother opened the room door.
She took down the suitcase still on the top of the closet, stuffed a few sets of clothes of the two mothers and daughters inside. I thought my mother would only take me to her parents' house for a few days like the times they had been angry with each other before.
But when I asked when I would come back, my mother replied: "No more".
The next morning, the two mothers and daughters went to their grandmother's house.
In the early days, my mother almost didn't sleep. She was both working, looking for a new place to live, and doing divorce procedures. Some relatives advised my mother to reconsider because the marriage only lasted three years. Some people said my stepfather had apologized and promised never to beat me again.
Mom still didn't change her mind. She said to grandma a sentence that I still remember many years later: "You may have chosen the wrong husband again, but you can't make your child pay the price for that choice.
My mother spent nearly a year stabilizing her life. The two of us moved into a smaller rented house than before. My mother worked part-time in the evening. I transferred schools and started over with new friends. Life was not easier immediately, but one thing changed: I was no longer afraid of the sound of keys turning outside the door every night.
Now I am 24 years old.
Looking back at 11 years old, I still remember the beatings. I was also angry with my mother because she didn't protect me from the first time.
But I remember more clearly the suitcase being pulled down from the top of the closet that night. Mother could not change what happened to me. What she did was decide that they would not be allowed to continue.
I want to share this with mothers living in the same situation as us once:
In many families, stepfather violence does not always start with heavy beatings. It can go from scolding, punishing standing, pulling ears, slapping, then gradually increasing when adults around are silent or consider it a way to "teach children". More frighteningly, there are mothers who, because they are afraid of marriage breakdown, economic dependence, or believe that their husbands are only temporarily hot-tempered, have unintentionally condoned that behavior for a long time.
For a child, being beaten is already a hurt. But the mother's witness without protection can make her feel like she has nowhere really safe. When violence has occurred, it is important not just a promise that the perpetrator will change, but whether adults really put the child's safety first before keeping a marriage.
I was grateful to my mother for the years that followed because that night she chose to take me away.
I just hope that if a mother is standing between a marriage and the safety of her child, she is decisive enough for the child to know that: You are the chosen mother.
