From sparse conversations to divorce decisions
After nearly 6 years of marriage, Ms. Ngo Mai Trang (35 years old, Hanoi) decided to divorce when she realized that the gap between the two spouses was getting bigger. The conversations and sharing that were once part of family life gradually thinned out, replaced by work, children and daily worries.
We almost don't argue, but there is nothing left to say and share. We live in the same house but each person has their own life," Ms. Ngo Mai Trang shared.
Ms. Trang said that in the early years of marriage, the couple still often spent time telling each other small stories of the day, sharing joys or things that made them sad. However, as work and life became more and more busy, the couple gradually became withdrawn and became accustomed to solving their own problems.
That change happened so quietly that Ms. Trang only really realized it when the emotions between the two became distant.
At the present time, I realize that I no longer want to tell my husband about what happened during the day. When something sad happens, the first person I think of is no longer my husband," Ms. Mai Trang said.
If Ms. Trang realized that the distance was formed from the lack of sharing, Mr. Pham Manh Hoang (38 years old, Hanoi) went through a marriage that seemed peaceful but inside there were many unresolved problems.
Mr. Hoang said that the couple rarely argues fiercely, so he was once commented by those around him as a harmonious family. However, whenever there are disagreements, both often choose to remain silent to avoid arguments instead of sitting down to discuss.
We all thought that silence would help avoid arguments. But the unspoken issues are still there, unable to be resolved, and over time, the two people no longer understand each other," Mr. Hoang said.
Things that are not spoken gradually accumulate into distance. The couple is increasingly less sharing views, and it is difficult to find common ground in life's issues. Conflicts are therefore also prolonged without any way to resolve them. After 3 years of living together, Mr. Hoang and his wife decided to divorce.
Looking from the outside, my family is still normal, there are no big quarrels. But inside, we have been apart for a long time before deciding to divorce," Mr. Hoang said.
Silence is not always peace
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center - husband and wife arguing less does not mean a happy marriage. The important thing is whether after moments of silence, the two people still want to communicate, share and solve problems together or not.
Many people think that not arguing is a happy marriage. But in reality, what is scary is not the arguments, but when two people no longer want to talk to each other," expert Mai Viet Duc said.
Experts believe that silence needs to be viewed from behind. If it is a moment of silence to calm down, two people can still connect; conversely, silence due to disappointment, avoidance or no longer having expectations is a worrying sign.
Silence is only good when it is peace, when both of you still feel comfortable and then still want to talk back. But if you are silent because of avoidance, because of disappointment or because you no longer want to share, then that is a very worrying sign," expert Mai Viet Duc said.
According to Mr. Duc, disconnection often starts from small changes: husband and wife no longer ask about each other, rarely share daily matters, do not care about each other's feelings or only talk about work and children.
When two people still solve family matters together but no longer ask each other how it is today, no longer share what they are happy or sad about, the emotional connection has begun to decline. Marriage can end after a long process of two people gradually stopping caring for each other, not necessarily starting from a big argument," he emphasized.
