Countless small collisions every day
After nearly two years of marriage, Ms. Nguyen Thi Minh Anh (29 years old, Thai Nguyen) still cannot find comfort when living with her mother-in-law.
What makes her tired is not the big conflicts, but the countless small conflicts that occur every day.
Ms. Minh Anh recounted that from taking care of children, cooking to arranging the house, she regularly receives advice from her mother-in-law.
She wants to feed her child according to a scientific menu advised by a doctor, while her mother-in-law believes that the parenting experience of the previous generation is really suitable.
One day, I had just finished cleaning up when my mother rearranged everything according to my wishes. At first, I thought my mother just wanted to help, but that happened repeatedly, making me feel like I didn't do anything right," Ms. Minh Anh shared.
Many times, she chose to remain silent to avoid stress. However, prolonged patience caused negative emotions to accumulate more and more. The atmosphere in the family gradually became heavy, and the couple also started arguing because of disagreements related to their mother-in-law.
Meanwhile, the story of Ms. Tran Thu Huong (31 years old, Tuyen Quang) stems from differences in life views between two generations.
After giving birth to their first child, the couple decided to live with their parents-in-law to have someone to support and take care of the baby.
However, living under the same roof gradually blurred the boundaries between the members.
According to Ms. Thu Huong, from the living hours, how to take care of children to the private plans of the couple, she receives opinions from her mother-in-law. Every time she wants to take her children out on weekends or decide something in the family, she has to consider it because she is afraid that her mother will not be satisfied.
On the contrary, her mother-in-law said that the advice only comes from worry and the desire for children and grandchildren to have a better life. The difference in perception makes both sides feel that they are not understood.
There are sayings that my mother thinks are normal, but I feel very pressured. And when I give advice, my mother thinks that I am rude or not obedient. Just like that, the distance between mother and daughter is getting bigger and bigger," Ms. Thu Huong confided.
The husband needed to be a bridge
In multi-generational families, conflicts between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law often originate from differences in life views, parenting methods, family management methods or expectations for each other.
If not resolved in time, seemingly very small conflicts can accumulate into prolonged conflicts, affecting the happiness of the whole family.
According to psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center, to build a harmonious mother-in-law - daughter-in-law relationship, first of all, it is necessary to start from understanding.
“Daughters-in-law can understand that behind reminders or interventions are sometimes the worries and love of a mother. When they understand this, the negative reaction will decrease, giving way to sympathy and listening,” expert Mai Viet Duc shared.
Also according to experts, each party needs to establish appropriate and flexible boundaries. Living together does not mean losing privacy or decision-making rights in marriage.
In particular, the role of the husband is considered a key factor in regulating family relationships.
The husband is the bridge between filial piety to mother and responsibility to wife. When you know how to listen, share and balance the emotions of both sides, many conflicts will be resolved early, avoiding unnecessary conflicts.
