After taking his girlfriend back to his hometown to meet his family, Ngo Tat Thanh (character name has been changed) began to wonder when his girlfriend thought that his mother's request to pick vegetables and wipe the table was a sign of "teasing his daughter-in-law" and shared his story on social networking groups.
According to sharing, the young man is 30 years old this year, his hometown is more than 100km from Hanoi, he came to the city to study and then stayed to work for nearly 8 years. His family is not well-off, his parents are farmers and there is also a younger brother studying at university. Currently, Thanh has an income of more than 20 million VND per month and still maintains sending money back to help his parents.
He and his girlfriend have known each other for nearly a year. She is 3 years younger than him, works in an office, and her family has relatively stable economic conditions. The two have talked about getting married many times. According to Thanh, his girlfriend understands his family circumstances and also knows that in the early days after the wedding, the two could not afford to buy a house but planned to rent a house in Hanoi.
She knows my house is in the countryside, my parents are farmers. I also made it clear that if we got married, the two of us would live separately, and we would share the care of both parents, not force the wife to serve the husband's family," Thanh recounted.
Last weekend, he brought his girlfriend home for the second time, also an opportunity for her to get acquainted with some relatives. That day, the family had guests, so Thanh's mother prepared about two trays of rice. Before he and his father went out to buy more things, his mother said to his girlfriend: "You sit down for a while and then pick up some vegetables for me, I'll make a chicken".
According to Thanh, his girlfriend replied that she rarely cooks at home and asked his mother to help. His mother didn't say anything more but continued to prepare rice.
After that, Thanh's mother asked her to take some bowls from the cabinet and wipe the dining table. The girlfriend began to show discomfort.
When I got home, the atmosphere in the house was different. My mother was still talking normally, but I realized she was not happy, and she was sitting using her phone," Thanh shared.
On the way to take his girlfriend back to Hanoi, he asked her questions. She said she didn't like his mother's behavior because she thought she was being "tested as a daughter-in-law".
What surprised Thanh was that he did not think his mother intended to challenge her daughter-in-law. According to him, in his mother's mind, when guests come to the house and adults are busy preparing meals, it is normal for children and grandchildren to help with a few small things.
Thanh also said that when he first came to his girlfriend's house, her father used to ask him to carry tables and chairs, her mother asked him to carry things and set up the trays. He did not feel uncomfortable but thought that it was a way for him to integrate into his girlfriend's family.
She said she is not my parents' child, so she has no obligation to do those things. If she comes to my house later, she wants to be respected and each person does their own part," Thanh recounted.
This view made Thanh unable to help but think. He believes that he does not require his future wife to cook or take care of her parents-in-law every day. The two will also live separately after marriage. However, every time he returns to his hometown, if his parents are old and are preparing meals for the whole family, he thinks it is advisable for his children or daughter-in-law to actively help.
After the conversation, his girlfriend was angry because she thought he was standing on her side instead of protecting her.
Meanwhile, Thanh's mother only told her son that she did not need her daughter-in-law to serve her, but if living in a family where one person works and one person stands outside watching, it is difficult to avoid conflicts.
Thanh believes that the story that made him realize the problem probably did not lie in a bunch of vegetables or a table to wash, but in the way the two people perceive responsibility to both families. Currently, Thanh still cannot resolve the conflicts between his mother and his lover.
Currently, the guy still does not know how to find common ground with his lover before both decide to enter married life.
Readers can leave comments under the article, share perspectives and advice so that Mr. Thanh can have more references in the current situation.
