In the permission game, every action you take revolves around guessing whether the homeowner agrees or not. You will recognize your face, be afraid of saying things wrong, and be afraid of losing points. The problem is: This rule of the game is never over, because others approval is a constant that is out of control. Today they laugh, tomorrow they frown - and you have to adjust constantly. You become a puppet in chess where others write rules.
Social experts point out that: Choosing the right game is more important than playing the wrong game well. You can spend effort to learn countless communication tips and satisfactory skills, but if the game you choose is "finding approval", then even if you temporarily win, the price you have to pay is freedom. You are still shy, because the root of shyness is: You are playing someone else's game.
The game really needs to be re-elled: Very-Very Collaborating Game. In this game, you and everyone else are players, no one is the absolute homeowner. Everyone was there to solve a problem, share space, and have the right to be present. When you Default That You Don't belong to ask for permission, But to collaborate, your mentality will change. You no longer ask, Will they accept me? but ask, What value can I bring to this board?.
For example: You enter a meeting with a superior. If you consider this a game of asking for permission, you will sit still, afraid that your opinion will be criticized, so choose to stay silent. But if you consider this a collaborative game, you will think, We are here to solve a common problem. My opinion is that it is part of the data in this process". At that time, you are no longer shy when speaking, because you are not looking for permission, you are just playing the role of a legal player.
The difference may sound sophisticated, but it changes the way you present yourself. The shy people are not because they lack courage, but because they lock themselves in the wrong game. People who are comfortable are not necessarily because they are experienced, but because they have the right players by default from the start.
The biggest trap in life is to become an expert in a wrong game. You can become a master of satisfactory work, but in the end you still lose your freedom. Because winning a license game means you lose in the real game: The game of independence and self-reliance.
But in the end, the choice still belongs to you. Because not many people, just feel "real" when participating in the "permission games" of life.
