Tet is a time for family reunion, everyone hopes to receive warmth and sympathy after a year of many upheavals. However, many relationships become tense just because of familiar questions. Below are 5 specific things to avoid asking relatives during the New Year.
First, do not ask about when to get married or divorce.
When will you get married?", "Why are you so young?", "Divorce and then what are you planning?" are the most hurtful questions. Marriage is a private story, often associated with breakups, pressure or personal choices. At the beginning of the year, no one wants to be reminded of incomplete things.
Second, do not ask about childbirth or the number of children.
Married for a long time, why haven't you had children yet?", "Is having one child enough?" are often said with a voice of concern, but touch the pain of many infertile couples or those who are not ready to be parents. This is a very sensitive area, especially in Asian culture.
Dr. Susan Whitbourne, professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts Amherst (USA), commented: "Questions about marriage and reproduction during holidays can make listeners feel like they are failing compared to family expectations, thereby increasing anxiety and stress.
Third, do not ask deeply about money and income.
What's the monthly salary?", "Can I buy a house this year?", "Why haven't things improved yet?" are questions that easily turn a New Year's meeting into a comparison of wins and losses. Not everyone has a smooth economic year, and no one wants to be evaluated for their personal value through money.
Fourth, do not compare children with others.
Why aren't children like other people's children?", "How can they get into a good school by studying like this?" not only hurt children, but also make parents feel judged. Each child has its own development speed, and Tet is not a time to mention achievements or academic pressure.
Fifth, do not comment on appearance or age.
Phrases like "Why so fat?", "I'm getting older a lot" are sometimes joked about but touch on very real self-doubt. Especially for women, appearance and age are sensitive issues, easily making them unhappy in the first days of the year.
What to say instead of pressing questions?
According to Dr. Susan Whitbourne, healthy care should be based on respect: "Instead of asking questions that infringe on personal life, talk about things that bring a sense of security and are heard.
A health question, a sincere wish or recalling beautiful memories together is enough to create cohesion. New Year does not need sharp words, just sophistication and kindness.
