Ms. Nguyen Mai (32 years old, from Thai Nguyen) was once very afraid that her daughter would witness times when husband and wife disagreed.
Every time the couple raises their voices, she often tries to take her child to another room, even many times blaming herself because she thinks that adult arguments will leave long-term effects for her child.
At one point, my husband and I almost every week had things to argue about. Sometimes about money, sometimes disagreements about parenting.
I want my child to take extra classes, my husband thinks that I should let my child have time to play. The two people cannot agree, so they easily get angry," Ms. Mai recounted.
According to Ms. Mai, what worries her the most is not the disagreements themselves but the eyes of her children every time their parents raise their voices.
She often remains silent, sitting in a corner sadly. I think I have to try so that she doesn't witness things like that anymore," Ms. Mai said.
After a while, Ms. Mai and her husband began to change their behavior. Instead of trying to prove who is right and who is wrong right in front of their child, both agreed that when the argument was too tense, they would pause to calm down.
“We also apologize to our child if arguing made him scared. I told him that parents may not agree with each other but still love each other and love him. Gradually, he is no longer too scared every time parents have disagreements,” Ms. Mai shared.
Also falling into a similar situation, Mr. Nguyen Manh Hung (38 years old, Tuyen Quang) once thought that a good family is a family that never has arguments.
There are days when I come home tired from work, even a very small thing can make my husband and I get angry. Before, I often thought my child was still young, just argued and then stopped, without needing to explain. Later I realized that children are very sensitive," Mr. Hung recounted.
Once, after a tense argument between parents, his 8-year-old son suddenly became quiet and taciturn.
I think the reason my parents argued was because I felt guilty. I had to explain for a long time for my child to understand that adult matters are not his responsibility," Mr. Hung said.
From then on, the couple tried to limit heated arguments in front of their children. If unfortunately they let their children witness, the two would take the initiative to talk to their children afterwards.
According to psychologist Do Thi Hong Minh - NHC Vietnam Center for Human Development and Psychology, it is necessary to change the notion that if parents argue in front of their children, the child will definitely be hurt. In fact, this depends a lot on how the conflict occurs and how parents correct it afterwards.
According to experts, in a family, it is very normal for two adults to have disagreements. Two people living together for a long time may have different views on raising children, work, behavior, money issues or other needs in life.
If witnessing parents arguing but then both calm down, listen to each other, find solutions and still show respect, children can receive an important lesson: people may disagree but still love and respect each other.
Also according to experts, children have good recovery ability, in which the important thing is what parents do after conflict to help their children regain a sense of security.
Adults can completely learn how to handle disagreements so that even in stressful times, children still feel loved, safe and do not have to bear the responsibility of solving adult problems.
