On the morning of the 9th day of Tet, mist still covered the small slope leading to Muong village in Kim Boi commune (Phu Tho province).
In the stilt house at the end of the hamlet, baby Na (19 months old) clung tightly to her mother's shirt, crying uncontrollably when she saw a worker backpack placed next to the door.
Ms. Bui Thi Huong and her husband went back to Ha Nam to work after a few short days of vacation. The children stayed with their paternal grandparents, like many other children in the village.
But what makes Ms. Huong feel weary is not only being away from her child, but also the differences in the way she takes care of her baby.
It's so cold, I have to wrap a scarf for my grandchild," the grandmother said, pulling on a layer of cotton jacket while baby Na was holding her mother's leg.
The doctor advised not to warm her too much, the baby would sweat and easily catch a cold," Ms. Huong said softly.
The exchange stopped there, but the silence in the kitchen showed that the difference was not easy to reconcile.
Ms. Huong recounted that the conflict is not only about keeping warm. From how to start weaning, sleeping hours to whether to coquettish or let the child sleep on their own, everyone has their own opinion.
She said, "In the past, raising my siblings and me was okay. I read documents, listened to doctors' advice. Saying a lot is afraid of making her sad, and if I don't say it, I worry about my children," she shared.
In mountainous areas, many young families have to leave their hometowns to work as workers, leaving their children at home for grandparents to take care of.
Love is not lacking, but generational differences sometimes make the family atmosphere tense. Some families disagree about feeding children early, some families argue about using traditional medicine or following a doctor's prescription.
Small things repeated many times, gradually becoming smoldering pressure.
After Tet, when Ms. Huong and her husband go downstream, grandparents will have full authority to take care of their grandchildren. As for her, in the middle of a long shift, she can only follow her child through a few video calls in the evening.
One day I saw her feeding her child differently from what I had told her, and I thought about it all morning," she said.
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center - shared: "For grandparents, it is the experience of successfully raising children in difficult conditions. For young parents, it is the responsibility to protect children according to new scientific knowledge.
When both believe they are doing it for the sake of the child, the conflict is no longer about eating, sleeping, or dressing, but becomes a conflict of values and decision-making power in the family.
This collision, if not regulated, can affect children and the general atmosphere. Young children, although not understanding adults' words, can clearly feel the emotions around them.
When each person takes care of them in a different way, accompanied by arguments, children are more easily insecure and fussy. The family falls into a state of fatigue, while the common goal of raising the child is overshadowed.
Experts also warn that if parents do not maintain their proactive role, children grow up in overlapping power, lacking clear boundaries, easily affecting discipline and close relationships later.
In a multi-generational family, boundaries need to be defined, grandparents are the supporters and companions; parents are the main responsible for decisions related to their children.
Young parents should avoid direct confrontation, instead show respect and exchange on the spirit of jointly aiming for the child's interests. The consensus between husband and wife before exchanging with grandparents is also an important factor to reduce conflict.
In the late afternoon, the passenger car left Kim Boi. Ms. Huong looked back at the small stilt house gradually disappearing behind the palm grove. In her grandmother's arms, baby Na had fallen asleep.
Staying is children, staying far away is parents. In between is love and generational differences...
