10 years of being a daughter-in-law, never before have I celebrated Tet fully with relatives
There are still more than 60 days until Tet, but in many families, seemingly familiar questions have begun to put pressure: "This year, will I celebrate Tet or Tet?"
In mid-November, in a four-room house in Dung Tien commune (Phu Tho province), Ms. Nguyen Thi Hong (62 years old) mentioned Tet more.
Her daughter, Ms. Quach Thu Ha (35 years old), sat silently. In 10 years of marriage, she has never had a complete Tet holiday at her parents' house.
Ms. Ha is from the old Hoa Binh province (now Phu Tho province), married and returned to Dong Anh (Hanoi). In her early years as a daughter-in-law, she advised herself to give in to her husband's family, especially when her husband was the eldest child, her parents were old, and her relatives were large. But then, year after year, Tet in the countryside became the default.
"Usually I only come home on the afternoon of the 30th, have a quick meal and then come back in the evening. There are only 2nd year that I take advantage of, at that time the house is empty, there is no more Tet atmosphere," Ms. Ha shared.
This year, the grief was even greater when her father was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. The doctor said the family needed to prepare mentally.
"I just hope that this Tet, the children will come home enough, and have a full year's meal together," Ms. Hong choked up.
Tet is still far away, but Ms. Ha is starting to lose sleep. She knows, if not said from now, until Tet is approaching, things will be even more difficult to turn around.
When she suggested celebrating Tet this year, the conversation quickly became tense. Her husband said that his parents are also old, and it would be difficult to tell relatives without a child during Tet.
"I said let it be next year. But I understand that there will never be "near years", Ms. Ha said.
Intermittent domestic and foreign Tet
In Ha Dong ward (Hanoi), the couple Le Thu Trang (32 years old) and Nguyen Van Khanh (35 years old) are also stressed about Tet. Right from the beginning of their marriage, the couple agreed to celebrate Tet alternately between domestic and foreign countries each year. According to the plan, this year is the turn of foreign countries.
However, when it was time to discuss the issue of taking a day off for Tet, conflicts arose. Ms. Trang's parents-in-law said that this year, their maternal grandfather has a job, and there are many relatives, so they can't miss their children and grandchildren.
Mr. Khanh fell into a difficult situation. On one side is a commitment to his wife, on the other side is pressure from his biological family.
Ms. Trang sadly said: "You told me to sympathize and change to next year. But I'm afraid there will be another reason next year. I want my child to have Tet memories with both grandparents and grandparents, not just one side.
According to psychologist Tue An, the conflict between domestic and foreign Tet is a common situation, often a problem from a very early age.
"With the traditional view of spending a lot of money, many women after getting married have to take care of their husband's Tet first. The concept of " marital status must follow husbands" makes many people destined to have Tet at their paternal house," she analyzed.
According to experts, when there is a lack of sympathy between husband and wife and both families, where to celebrate Tet can easily become the cause of unnecessary conflicts. Meanwhile, life has changed a lot, and the concept also needs to be acknowledged.
"The need for women to go to a maternal home for Tet is completely legitimate, but men cannot neglect their responsibility to their maternal family. Where to celebrate Tet needs to be considered based on specific circumstances such as distance, parents' health, economic conditions... instead of being rigid, emphasized expert Tue An.
Tet is still ahead, but the decision is from now. For Ms. Ha, every day that passed was a concern.
If I still cant celebrate Tet with my father this year, Ill regret it for the rest of my life, she said.
As for Ms. Trang and her husband, after many stressful days, they decided to sit down and talk frankly to each other and to both families.
Tet is still more than two months away. But for many families, the way they talk to each other right now will decide whether it is a warm Tet or a stressful Tet.
Because there are gatherings, if they are not kept in time, they will only be left in memory, like a thing that is not yet complete...
