On the weekend afternoon, in front of the gate of a kindergarten in Dong Kinh ward, Lang Son province, baby Nguyen Quang Huy (5 years old) sat hugging his backpack on a stone bench, his eyes constantly looking out at the road surface. That day was the day his father scheduled to pick him up to eat as he had said since the beginning of the week.
The mother stood next to her, looking at the clock and then at her child. Nearly an hour passed, the phone screen lit up. A short message appeared: "Dad is busy with unexpected work, leave it for the next weekend, son.
Quang Huy did not cry, just bowed his head, whispering to his mother to take him home. On the way, the child sat still, without asking any more questions.
Quang Huy's parents' divorce ended nearly a year ago. No noisy arguments, no arguments in front of their children.
Since his parents no longer lived together, Quang Huy seems to have grown faster than his age. The boy is used to having his clothes backpack divided among the two families, used to weekends of waiting and also used to being careful when mentioning his father in front of his mother, or mentioning his mother when he is at his father's house.
Once he told me, he doesn't know who to tell stories to so that the other person is not sad. Hearing that is very pitiful," Quang Huy's homeroom teacher shared.
In another case, Ms. Hoai - an office worker in Lang Son - said that since the divorce, her 9-year-old son has lived with her.
My father still calls, still promises to take me out to play on the weekend, but many times misses appointments. Initially, I was eager to wait outside the door. After a few times like that, I just quietly put away the shoes I had already brought into the corner of the house.
He didn't say anything, but since then he has mentioned his father less. Many days I see him open the chat box with his father and then turn it off," Ms. Hoai recounted.
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Counseling and Psychological Therapy Center - shared that what hurts children after divorce is not only the fact that parents no longer live together, but also the disturbed sense of security.
Many parents think that arguing in front of their children is enough. But children still feel coldness, broken promises, or being dragged into adult conflicts. When they have to hear their parents talk about each other with negative attitudes, children are very likely to fall into a state of anxiety, self-consciousness, or withdrawal," Mr. Duc said.
Also according to experts, what children need most after divorce is consistency in love and care. Parents may no longer be husband and wife but must still agree with each other on how to accompany children, respect children's emotions and do not turn children into informants, people who choose sides or places to vent anger.
Divorce can be a necessary choice when a marriage is no longer happy. But divorce does not mean ending parental responsibility.
A child can accept that parents are no longer in the same house, if they are still loved enough and not placed in the middle of adult breakups.
Especially, when parents leave each other and still do not know how to raise their children with kindness, the person who bears the most consequences is often the child standing silently between the two sides.
