Dad's money, but your bill
At the beginning of every month, Mr. Phuc, 68 years old, in Hanoi, calls to report that his pension has just returned to his account. Just a few hours later, a nearly equivalent amount was transferred by him to Ms. Hanh's account, the woman he has known for more than a year.
His daughter-in-law, Ms. Thu, 38 years old, learned about it when her father-in-law asked her to check her phone because the banking application reported an error. Initially, she did not ask. Her mother-in-law has been dead for four years, and the children all see their father having someone to talk to, walk with, and occasionally go out to eat and drink, which is a happy thing.
What makes Ms. Thu upset is the bills in the house.
Mr. Phuc lives with his eldest son and his wife. Electricity, water, Internet and food money are all paid by Ms. Thu and her husband. Every month, she also buys blood pressure medication and some personal belongings for her father-in-law. Previously, he occasionally gave his daughter-in-law an amount called "market money". Since having a girlfriend, that amount has disappeared.
One evening, seeing the electricity bill increase, Ms. Thu told her husband that from next month she would ask her father to contribute a part of the expenses. Her husband brushed it aside: "Dad is old, how much is there, we can take care of it, just take care of it.
But a few days later, she saw her father-in-law asking his son to transfer three million VND to Ms. Hanh because his account was temporarily unable to transact.
I don't mind my father's rice money. I'm just annoyed because my father has money but doesn't use it for his own needs. My father's money is given to others, and my father's expenses are naturally borne by the children," Ms. Thu said.
Mr. Nam, 41 years old, Ms. Thu's husband, initially thought his wife was too calculating.
He said that his father raised his three siblings to adulthood, and now that his children have the means, taking care of their father is normal. In his opinion, children should not interfere with how he uses his pension.
The conflict became clearer when Mr. Phuc needed to replace a set of dentures, costing more than ten million VND. He said there was no contingency fund left and asked if his son could pay for it.
This time, Mr. Nam asked his father: "My pension is available every month, why don't you leave some room when you are sick?".
Mr. Phuc remained silent for a moment and then replied that Ms. Hanh lived alone, her income was unstable, so he wanted to help. He also said that he had the right to decide on his own money.
Dad said that before, he didn't ask you for anything big. Meals and electricity bills in the house, even if you add it, it's not worth much," Mr. Nam recounted.
That sentence made the couple look at the problem in two different directions.
Mr. Nam sees that his father's words are not wrong. Ms. Thu believes that if the "not much" amounts are combined into a fixed responsibility of the child's family, while the entire income of the person being cared for is for another person, the boundary is no longer simply filial piety.
Is Dad's girlfriend really the one who "takes all the money"?
In the story of Mr. Phuc's family, Ms. Hanh, 62 years old, has a different explanation.
When he gave it, I thought it was his own money. I don't know what the children in the house are paying him," Ms. Hanh said.
After learning that Mr. Phuc's son and daughter-in-law had conflicts over money, she once suggested that he keep a portion of his pension. However, Mr. Phuc said that he was still healthy, living with his son, so he did not need to keep much money.
In the end, Mr. Nam and his wife did not ask their father to stop giving money to their girlfriend. The two proposed that he keep a fixed amount each month for medicine, medical examination and personal expenses; the rest he would decide for himself.
Mr. Phuc did not agree immediately. He said that his children were trying to manage their money.
Ms. Thu also did not want to turn the conversation into a matter of "forbidding her beloved father".
I just want to separate the two things. Who Dad loves, giving gifts to whom is Dad's right. But if Dad has income, I think Dad should also be responsible for a part of his own life," she said.
