The increasingly tense relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law puts the husband in a difficult position and he has to find ways to resolve the conflict with both affection and law.
Reader Le Van Hien (character name has been changed) in Nam Dinh sent a question to Lao Dong Newspaper: "My wife and I have been married for 6 years, currently have a 4-year-old daughter. I am from the North and came to Ho Chi Minh City to start a business, my wife is from the South, so we plan to buy a house to settle down here.
However, due to difficulties at the company, personnel were cut, and both husband and wife lost their jobs. I discussed bringing my child back to my hometown for a while to save living expenses and have my paternal grandparents take care of the child. Although I didn't want to, but because I love my husband and children, my wife agreed.
When I returned to my hometown, I found a job as a truck assistant, following the truck all day, only taking advantage of weekends to return, with a high salary. My wife also found a seasonal job near the house, although the salary was low, she had time to take care of her children and family.
However, after living together for a while, differences and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law began to emerge. My wife feeds her children using modern and scientific methods, but my mother is used to taking care of her grandchildren according to traditional experience.
In daily life, my mother puts whatever she wants in the right place, and my wife is willing to do it quickly and neatly. My wife often buys things according to needs, sometimes wants to give her children a few good things, but my mother is very frugal, does not want to buy. She also hinted that my wife doesn't make money but spends money like water, letting her son work hard is not enough to feed several mouths of food. Sometimes my mother even said harshly that my wife is only good at starvation.
The conflict between the two became increasingly fierce, causing my wife to want to bring her child back to the South. I am really embarrassed standing between them. What should I do to resolve this conflict? I would like to advise.
Regarding the question you asked, lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited (Hanoi Bar Association) - advises as follows: As a middle person, harmoniously resolving the mother-in-law - daughter-in-law relationship is quite difficult for you. In addition to analyzing feelings, you should cite the provisions of the Law on Marriage and Family so that both your mother and wife can recognize the issue of conflict.
With your mother, you should analyze, according to the Law on Marriage and Family, husband and wife have the right to self-determination on raising children, deciding on spending, and private life. Parents are only allowed to contribute opinions within a reasonable scope, and are not allowed to interfere excessively in their children's married life. Specifically, Article 69 of the Law on Marriage and Family stipulates that parents' obligation is to love their children and respect their opinions. Therefore, your mother needs to respect your husband and wife's right to raise children, not to interfere in the spending of both husband and wife but only to contribute opinions when necessary.
Regarding your mother's statement that your wife is "parasitic", you should analyze for your mother to understand, according to Article 29 of the Law on Marriage and Family, the general principle on the property regime of husband and wife is: Husband and wife are equal in terms of rights and obligations in creating, possessing, using, and disposing of common property; no distinction between domestic labor and income-generating labor. Even if you work for more money, it is common property during the marriage period of both husband and wife, both husband and wife have the right to decide and spend according to needs. Of course, that spending does not affect the family's general economy, causing the family to fall into difficulties and debts.
On your wife's side, you should analyze for her to understand the rights and obligations of a child. Accordingly, Article 70 of the Law on Marriage and Family stipulates that children are loved and respected by their parents; children have the duty to love, respect, be grateful, filial, support their parents, and preserve the honor and good traditions of the family.
The above is the advice of the lawyer. Wishing you to soon resolve your family's problems.
