Dinner meals at Mr. Tran Van Thanh's house (40 years old, Vinh Phuc ward, Phu Tho province) recently often ended in silence. There were no arguments but no more lively stories like before.
The meal passed quickly, each person with a phone, each person pursuing their own stream of thought.
Mr. Thanh is a business employee of a media company in Hanoi, with a stable income of about 15-20 million VND per month. For many years, he has remained the economic pillar of the family.
However, in the past two years, that balance has suddenly changed when the online cosmetics business of Ms. Lan - his wife - has "rocketed" strongly. Some months, her income has doubled, even tripled compared to her husband.
This change does not bring complete joy as Mr. Thanh once thought.
Wherever I go, friends tease me that rats get sick of rice, having a wife who is good at making money, then there is no need to try. It sounds funny, but it's actually very heartbreaking," he shared.
From a person who used to talk and share everything with his wife, he gradually became sullen and easily irritable.
He is annoyed when he sees his wife shopping for expensive items in the house, even though he understands that it is the result of her labor. In teaching children, he also clearly feels that his voice is no longer as heavy as before.
In the opposite direction, successful women are not easy at all. Ms. Bui Khanh Minh - Head of Business Department of a large company in Hanoi - said that when her income far exceeded her husband, she once fell into a state of prolonged stress.
We have had overnight conversations to explain to each other that money is not a measure of human value. After all, it's just to build a family together. Marriage is a relay race, each person has their own strengths at each stage," Ms. Minh confided.
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Center for Counseling and Psychological Therapy - shared: "Income difference is not the direct cause of marital breakdown, but the problem lies in how each person perceives their role in the family.
Psychologists believe that in many Vietnamese families, men are still placed in the model of economic pillars. When reality reverses, if awareness is not adjusted in time, feelings of self-doubt and loss of role are very likely to appear.
Conversely, if the wife lacks subtlety and unintentionally shows financial power, the conflict will fade and drag on. Money then becomes a tool for comparison, instead of a means of nurturing.
According to this expert, the key lies in transparency and consensus in general financial management.
The family needs to clearly agree on what is common spending, what is private money, and who is primarily responsible in each area. More importantly, each person needs to learn how to separate personal values from income.
After many times of sitting down, Mr. Thanh gradually realized that the problem was not in the income figure, but in the invisible comparison pressure.
When I got rid of the thought that I was inferior, I felt everything lightened a lot," he said.
