Actually, the loop, it's more like a habit than fate. It's like she's drinking ice milk every morning, even though she knows that after drinking, her heart beats fast and she's restless all day. She doesn't intentionally make herself miserable, it's just that she's used to it. Some people always take on the role of letting go to settle things. Initially letting go a little for peace, then letting go a little more to avoid arguing, when she startled, she felt like she was giving up. Others, on the contrary, are used to playing the role of controlling everything; asking questions is because of concern, checking is because of worry, jealousy is because of love. Everything sounds very reasonable until the other person starts asking permission for things that are inherently unnecessary.
Those patterns enter life very gently, like water seeping into the soil. And you learn to adjust yourself to fit the relationship, like curving your back to crawl through a low door. At first it's a bit tiring, but gradually you forget your original straight posture. More sadly, some people are proud of that endurance, calling it sacrifice, maturity, deep love. You tell colleagues that you "don't accept it", that "everyone has flaws". But rarely do you tell that you have started to speak softer, laugh less, and think more before becoming yourself.
The U40 colleague, who divorced for the 3rd time, still smiled very charmingly and said it must be because fate did not suit marriage. But looking back, those 3 marriages all had one thing in common. She was always the one who shouldered everything, from money to emotions, until she was exhausted. He is an architect, loves everyone passionately, then after love he loses friends, projects are stalled, life revolves around one person. After breaking up, he vowed he would be different, then fell in love with a new person and disappeared just like before.
If you find yourself re-living the same story, maybe the problem is not with the person opposite you, but with the familiar role you are still playing. And sometimes, the biggest change is not finding someone else, but daring to stop, look closely at that pattern, and ask yourself: If we continue like this, in a few years, will we still be ourselves?
You put down a cup of coffee, the cold of the winter wind does not shudder you, but is like a pat on the shoulder to remind you. You realize that the greatest kindness is not to tolerate other people's mistakes, but to bravely refuse an old version of yourself.
