The important thing... simple

Thuận An |

Not caring too much about what others think of you is not a state but the result of the cognitive process.

I asked a colleague, nearly 20 years younger than me: "How do you face the things others say or think about you?". But is it good or bad? she asked. Just let it get worse, I said.

She said, I think we women are a bit complicated, "overthinking". For example, I just bought a dress, went to the office and heard someone criticize me, so I almost wouldn't wear that dress anymore. Or like my husband and I, sometimes I scream at each other, he says sentences that I don't like, I know it's just a mouthful but it still warms me up all week, I can't erase it.

I don't know if my colleague represents the psychology of women in general. But there is clearly a fear in life: Fear of being criticized, fear of being judged, fear of being criticized. The more avoidance and fear are, the more sensitive they are to other people's comments.

I have met a friend who always has a cheerful, gentle nose and looks a dozen years younger than his real age. When I asked him what his secret was, he just laughed: "Just a secret, don't consider other people's comments about you as important." Is that all?

In fact, it seems like everyone knows that, but whether they can do it or not is a problem. Psychology shows that: Other people's thoughts and words are sometimes "torturing" enough to make us mentally and physically exhausted. Therefore, we should learn not to care what others think of us to create joy in life, optimism and happiness for ourselves.

When you care too much about other people's thoughts and lose your own joy in life, you are the one to suffer the consequences, not the ones talking about you. If you care too much about other people's thoughts, you will hinder your own development. Worrying about being judged will make you not dare to do what you want, to go to the places you need to be.

So what to do? I told her colleague that he did not give advice, but the book taught: The first thing you need to do is change your own thoughts by accepting that you cannot please everyone. You don't have to try to please everyone. What you should be interested is that those who are really close, close to you and especially yourself. Focusing on positive thoughts is the best thing you can do for yourself. Think of things that make you happy, what you want to do, and those who make you happy near. Accepting the shortcomings of yourself and others is a necessary change in thinking. Any of us has certain shortcomings and limitations. Those who judge you also have their own shortcomings. So be happy and think that if you can "live together" with your limitations, let the judges have the right to live with their limitations.

Finally, I said to my colleague: "Now do you want to know what I think about you?". She laughed: "To be honest, I don't care!".

Thuận An
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