I have lived with my mother for more than half a century, witnessed and gone through so many emotional levels, and always considered my mother's presence in the house as a matter of course.
The image of my mother (Associate Professor, Dr., literary critic Le Thi Duc Hanh) always standing in front of the house to see her children off and welcome them back always leaves a mark in my memory.
The joyful cheers of my mother over the phone when I reported that I had just landed... And many other times, when calling from a very far away, the first person to pick up the phone is always my mother with a startled cry, missing "Van, my child".
Until one day, my mother had a stroke and had to stay in the hospital for two weeks.
After being discharged from the hospital, the doctor said to rest assured that there were no symptoms causing serious consequences.
Unexpectedly, when she came home, my mother became a different person. My mother said all night without resting, often repeated sentences like "open the door, close the door", "turn off the lights, turn on the lights", sometimes my mother talked alone with the deceased...
And 3 maids successively resigned because they could not stand sleepless nights.
Many nights, I went downstairs to coax my mother to go to bed to avoid getting tired, she nodded but then only 10 minutes later said again. At that time, my mother was sick and could not control her words... My mother also gradually lost her memory, even not remembering the entire day of her father's death anniversary - the person she once said that if there was a next life, she would still marry her father.
On Tet, my mother doesn't remember either, and for the first year, I prayed for New Year's Eve instead of my mother.
Later, my mother gradually weakened and after a bronchitis attack in the hospital, she could no longer speak. Many days, my mother's eyes were wide open, she stared intently at the ceiling, her forehead slightly wrinkled and a tear welled up...
Her younger sister, Ms. Thuy, came to visit her mother many times, only holding her mother's hand and crying because now the confiding sessions between the two sisters all day are just a thing of the past.
Sometimes, mother listened to her and her eyes did not stir at all, but sometimes mother gently nodded. It felt like a moment of waking up was just fleeting and then mother would sink into another state.
Human life is truly harsh, as the living space shrinks day by day. Before, my mother used to go to Russia, to China, but now my mother has gone from walking around the house to being unable to sit up and can only lie on a bed.
The supporting stick that made the crackling sound that used to startle me many nights, is now silent in a corner of the house, sad.
Previously, when she was healthy, mother always paid attention to eating, how to eat something to be healthy for her children without worrying.
Later, the mother had to eat a tube, and when she saw all the food and medicine, she had to crush them and pass them through the tube into the stomach, so that she could feed her body.
Last year's New Year's Eve, when it was almost 12 pm, I went in and told my mother that I had cooked a death anniversary meal for my father in the morning, and my older brother had gone to the pagoda in the afternoon to invite my father to come home for Tet, my mother was still silent.
I suddenly asked my mother if she recognized me, if she did, she blinked 3 times. And my mother blinked exactly 3 times, at that time I was in tears.
After Tet, even though I know my mother's health has gradually declined, I couldn't believe that my mother would leave to see her father on the last day of the first lunar month.
At that time, mother had to be hospitalized for a week, the doctor told her to be discharged on Friday when all health indicators of mother had stabilized.
But on Wednesday afternoon, things got bad very quickly, my mother's oxygen index dropped low and the machine rumbled continuously.
Taking mother to the emergency room, injecting 1 bottle of medicine, the doctor shook his head.
My mother's eyes have been wide open for many hours looking at everyone as if wanting to record familiar faces in her brain while the heart rate monitor rumbles continuously and the number jumps up and down dizzyingly...
In the last few minutes, mother looked down and gently closed her eyes as if accepting everything.
The last thing that I was somewhat comforted with was that I kept my mother's image not only in my memory or heart, but also in every frame, every movement.
The camera and video camera, in my hand, was my second eye, looking at my mother with all love, respect and emotion.
Actually, in real life, sometimes mothers and children still have disagreements and many things are not in agreement with each other.
But in the process of taking photos as well as making films, I have connected with my mother more, understood her more, both about her life and personality; as well as the love between my father and my mother in my memory, understanding even more the letters my father sent to my mother during the war that my mother still kept for decades.
As soon as I finished the photo book and film about my mother, I believed that this was not just a personal story.
Because motherhood is the most sacred and noble feeling in the world. Everyone in the world has a mother.
Those who still have mothers, when watching photos, watching movies, may cherish each moment with their mothers more, and those who have lost their mothers, perhaps will have moments of silence to empathize...
