Husband does not share housework, hindering wife from going to school

Friend L.T. P (in Phu Tho) asked: "My husband and I have been married for 5 years and have a daughter. We live quite happily. My husband is gentle, has no bad habits, after working hours he only goes for sports or comes home and does not hang out drinking. My husband and I have a stable job and good income. My husband gives me most of his monthly salary to take care of and spend in the family.

However, one thing that makes me sad is that my husband absolutely does not touch housework. When he comes home from work, he just sits and reads newspapers or watches the phone. Everything in the house from bathing the children, cooking, cleaning the house, washing clothes... is all taken care of by me. He said that housework is a woman's job, men are enough to earn money.

To be honest, many times I am very annoyed. I also have to go to work, also earn money, but when I get home, I have to take care of all the housework, which makes me extremely tired. Many times I discussed with my husband to hire a maid so that I have time to rest, but my husband said that he does not want strangers in the house.

Sometimes I complained to my parents, but they always brushed it aside. My parents said "women build a home", so it is right for a woman in a family to pay attention to housework. Moreover, he is a very thoughtful person with his wife's family. Gifts on holidays are always plentiful. Every time my parents have work, he is willing to spend money without thinking. Therefore, I also try to look at his good points and ignore everything.

But what really upset me was when I was sent by the agency to study professional development in Hanoi. When I received the notice to go to study, I went home to talk to my husband, but he resolutely refused. He said that if I left, there would be no one to take care of the house and take care of the children. I said I would ask my grandmother to help with housework for 6 months of studying. My grandmother also said she would come to support me during my absence. Even so, my husband still forced me to tell his boss to send someone else to replace me.

Because of this, the couple had conflicts. The atmosphere in the family has been very tense these days. This learning opportunity is not always available, so I don't want to miss it. But currently I can't talk reasonably with my husband. Please ask the lawyer, can my case be intervened by law? I hope to get advice.

Regarding the legal issue you asked, lawyer Duong Thu Hien - Thanh Lam Law Company Limited (Hanoi Bar Association) - advises as follows:

Article 17 of the 2014 Law on Marriage and Family, amended and supplemented in 2025, stipulates equality of rights and obligations between husband and wife, specifically: "Husband and wife are equal to each other, have equal rights and obligations in all aspects of the family, in exercising the rights and obligations of citizens stipulated in the Constitution, this Law and other relevant laws".

Article 19 of the Law on Marriage and Family stipulates the relationship between husband and wife as follows:

“1. Husband and wife have the obligation to love, be faithful, respect, care, take care of, and help each other; share and perform household chores together.

2. Husband and wife have the obligation to live together, except in cases where husband and wife have other agreements or due to the requirements of profession, work, study, participation in political, economic, cultural, social activities and other legitimate reasons".

Thus, according to the provisions of law, husband and wife are equal in terms of rights and obligations in the family. Your husband's claim that housework belongs to women is not only an outdated concept but also contrary to the provisions of law. Husband and wife sharing housework not only strengthens marital affection but is also an obligation stipulated by law.

Article 18 of the 2006 Law on Gender Equality stipulates gender equality in the family, specifically:

Article 18. Gender equality in the family

1. Husband and wife are equal with each other in civil relations and other relationships related to marriage and family.

2. Husband and wife have equal rights and obligations in owning common property, equality in using the common income source of husband and wife and deciding on resources in the family.

3. Husband and wife are equal with each other in discussing, deciding to choose and use appropriate family planning measures; using leave time to take care of sick children according to the provisions of law.

4. Boys and girls are cared for, educated and given equal conditions by their families to study, work, play, entertain and develop.

5. Male and female family members are responsible for sharing family work.

Based on the provisions of law, you and your husband are equal in all jobs, both in the family and in society. Your husband has the responsibility and obligation to help you in family work and taking care of children. For your husband to prevent and not agree to let you go to study to improve your qualifications is contrary to the provisions of law. Your husband has the obligation to create conditions for you to go to school, not to put pressure or prohibit you.

To solve your problem, you and your husband should sit down and discuss clearly. You can state the legal regulations for your husband to understand, from which he will share with you. If your husband still does not change his mind after listening to your analysis, you can ask mediators at the grassroots level to help you mediate so that your husband understands the legal regulations better and agrees to let you go to school.

The above is the advice of the lawyer. Wish you have a basis to solve your problems.