On weekend evenings, the small house in Cau Giay ward only has table lights flickering on the pale yellow wall.
Mr. Quang Hoang (41 years old) folded his computer, sitting silently watching the 9-year-old boy struggling to rearrange Lego pieces on the floor. That is the son of the woman he loves.
Mr. Hoang shared: "I once went through a broken marriage, without children. Meeting Thao, a single mother, she is strong and calm. But what worries me most is not Thao's past, but the wary eyes of her son every time I appear".
According to him, what worries him is that he is not opposed, nor is he driven away. The boy is just silent, polite, but always keeps a distance. Meals are full of adult voices, but the child eats very quickly and then withdraws into the room.
Once, I accidentally heard the boy ask his mother: "If mom marries you, should I call you dad?".
That question made me stand still, that question, even if no one forced me, the child is still putting himself in a position to change to please adults," he said.
For me, it's a dangerous sign. Children do not resist with words, but with withdrawal, anxiety, and fear of being replaced, a silent but persistent form of hurt.
I used to think, as long as I am kind enough, patient enough, everything will be fine. But he understands, adult love cannot be a test for the psychology of a child who has witnessed family breakdown," Mr. Hoang frowned, his eyes looking far away.
In one confession, he said to her: "I can wait. But I can't move on if it makes my children live in the feeling of worrying that they will lose their mother.
Mr. Hoang said that he does not deny the desire to have a family. But he believes that a second marriage is not a mandatory destination, let alone achieving it by forcing a child to adapt too quickly.
Now, he still accompanies Thao and her son, but in a slower, further position. No more marriage plans, no role pressure. He accepts that, if one day he can move on, it must be when the child is no longer afraid.
I may take more time, but at least I don't take away the feeling of safety of a child to exchange for my happiness," the man said.
Psychologist Mai Viet Duc - Nhan Hoa Viet Psychological Counseling and Therapy Center shared: "Children after family breakdowns are very sensitive to changes in roles in the family. When adults progress too quickly, children easily develop a feeling of being threatened, afraid of losing familiar safety.
A man who is mature enough is someone who understands that, to build a sustainable family, first of all, he must create a sense of security for the child, not just for the woman he loves.
This expert also emphasized that second marriage is only truly healthy when adults do not put children in a position to adapt or sacrifice emotions in exchange for adult happiness.
True love does not make anyone suffer in silence, especially children.
