In the last days of the year, in a room in Dong Kinh ward, Lang Son province, Ms. Hoang Lan Anh (27 years old) sat silently in front of a stack of wedding photos just sent by the studio.
This should have been the happiest time for a girl about to get married, but Lan Anh's eyes were heavy.
She cannot be completely happy yet, because in her head still echoes the words of her fiance last night: "Mom said my house is big, after getting married I will live together to be warm, and have someone to cook for me.
Lan Anh did not answer. She turned to the suitcase that had not yet been packed for the upcoming business trip.
As a project manager, Lan Anh is used to deciding her own life, from working hours to hasty meals late at night.
That independence is not innate, but is traded off by many years of effort, pressure and many times of exhaustion of a girl born and raised in a mountainous area.
I am not afraid of my difficult mother-in-law. I am only afraid of the suffocating feeling of unnamed rules. Afraid that every morning when I wake up, I have to look at other people's faces to know what I should do right today," Lan Anh said.
That fear is not something Lan Anh came up with. In the company, she witnessed many female colleagues having to back down after getting married. Some people asked to withdraw from large projects because "it's inconvenient to come home late", some people refused promotion opportunities because "there are still mothers-in-law and young children at home".
I love my husband, but I also love myself and the career I have painstakingly built. Do I have to trade too much?", Lan Anh worried.
In modern society, living with mother-in-law becomes a "difficult problem", where women often feel they have to sacrifice more.
It is worth mentioning that the mother-in-law - daughter-in-law conflict today rarely erupts into a major conflict. It takes place silently, with trivial advice, different living habits, and unspoken expectations.
Working all day is already very tiring. If I come home and still have to'be a daughter-in-law', I am afraid I will no longer have the energy to live true to myself," Lan Anh shared.
According to family psychologists, harmonizing the mother-in-law - daughter-in-law relationship does not lie in unconditional patience, but in setting clear boundaries. Living together does not mean losing private space or dissolving personality into the family.
In which, the role of the husband is especially important. When a man is sophisticated enough to act as a bridge, explain and protect the boundaries for his wife, conflicts will be alleviated.
Conversely, silence or avoidance can cause conflict to accumulate and push women into a feeling of loneliness right in their own home.
Many young families today choose the solution of living separately but close, or agreeing clearly on living from the beginning. A sufficient distance is sometimes the most effective way to maintain harmony.
