Information about the case of a male student in Phu Quoc committing violence against his aunt, believed to be related to family conflicts, has received much public attention.
The incident received mixed opinions and is also a warning that parents need to pay special attention to for signs that children are having psychological problems, emotional control ability and how to behave with people around them.
According to the opinion of Ms. Le Thu Ngan (40 years old, Hanoi), a parent with a teenage child, this is a relatively dangerous behavior: "But after the feeling of being startled, I ask myself: Before a child reacts so violently, what has accumulated in the child's heart and have adults taught children how to handle those emotions?
The incident reminded Ms. Ngan of an incident that happened in the family about 2 years ago. Her son, when witnessing his mother, had a conflict with relatives and was assaulted. The boy ran in to intervene but did not have excessive behavior of fighting back. "I don't want my son to learn that when he is hurt, he also has the right to hurt others," Ms. Ngan said.
However, according to Ms. Ngan, the responsibility cannot only be placed on a child with the teaching: "You must know how to restrain yourself". If a child is often insulted, scolded, wrongly suspected or placed in relationships that make the child always stressed, adults need to recognize and quickly intervene instead of letting the child fight and resolve until emotions accumulate leading to explosions.
Mr. Nguyen Hoang Nam (47 years old, Hung Yen), a parent with 2 young children, believes that children must first understand "no one has the right to hit others just because they are angry".
I don't want to teach children that whoever hits them, they will fight back. Children find it very difficult to determine what is self-defense and what is violent behavior when conflict occurs. A small collision can be pushed into a serious event that is difficult to control," Mr. Nam shared.
Meanwhile, Ms. Tran Minh Ha (37 years old, Bac Ninh), whose child is in middle school, has a different opinion, "not fighting back" does not mean resignation. "I teach my child to learn how to speak out when insulted. Self-protection does not necessarily have to be with fists," Ms. Ha said.
According to the views of many parents, what is missing in children's education is sometimes right after the phrase "do not hit people". Children know what they are not allowed to do, but are not sure what to do when they are insulted, provoked or treated unfairly.
Children need to be taught that anger, resentment, or feeling injustice are normal emotions, but emotions and actions are two different things. You have the right to be angry but not the right to hurt others; have the right to protect yourself but within safe limits.
Instead of just asking "you have to restrain yourself", parents can teach children specific ways to deal with it: Stop arguing when you find yourself out of control; find trustworthy adults to give advice; contact parents, teachers or responsible people when conflicts occur... When facing the risk of violence, stay away from danger and seek help instead of rushing into confrontation.
More importantly, children will observe how adults handle things every day. If parents ask their children to calm down but they scold, insult or use violence when angry, the teachings will be difficult to convince children to listen.
Perhaps, what parents need to teach their children from an early age is not how to win a conflict, but how to get out of it without hurting others and yourself.
