The fact that the new wife took her husband's stepchild out to play, and the biological mother reacted strongly when not informed in advance, has caused much debate on social networks.
Many comments agree that the mother's psychology will be uneasy when she does not know if her child goes to safe places, whether it is suitable for the children's age? Some comments say that the mother is having excessive reactions...
Before the above debates - Ms. Nguyen Thu Thuy (41 years old, Quang Ninh) who has been divorced for 3 years, her ex-husband and she share the responsibility of raising 2 children together - expressed her frank opinion that, if only looking at this as a normal outing, many people will find it difficult to understand the psychology of the person directly taking care of the child.
According to Ms. Thuy, what makes a mother uneasy is not the reason that her child is with her father's new lover, but not knowing where her child is going and whether safety is guaranteed or not?
Outsiders may think that children are taken out to play, are loved, so there is nothing to worry about. But mothers will think differently: Where will the child go? When will he return? If the child is tired, in pain, lost or suddenly has an incident, who will handle it?," Ms. Thuy shared.
Ms. Thuy also gave an example, when a child is taken to a shopping center or crowded place, the risk of the child getting lost or being scared is entirely possible.
If unfortunately bad things happen, I will ask myself if the person taking my child away is calm enough to protect the child? I'm not saying they will abandon my child, but when they don't know the child's schedule clearly, mothers often think of the worst-case scenario," Ms. Thuy said.
Therefore, according to Ms. Thuy, a simple text message informing her child where to go, with whom and about how many hours to go home is sometimes enough to reassure the mother somewhat.
Agreeing with Ms. Thuy, Ms. Dang Hong Diem (30 years old, Hai Phong) believes that the mother's anxiety does not mean dragging children into conflict. Children should not have to choose between father or mother and can completely cherish the new person of their father or mother if that person treats them well.
Ms. Diem and her husband divorced nearly 5 years ago, currently her husband has a new partner but still spends time picking up and dropping off the children to school and play.
Ms. Diem said that she would appreciate it if the new person had enough sophistication when entering a child's life. "Loving your child, playing with your husband's stepchild is precious. But affection does not mean that you naturally have the right to decide issues related to the child," Ms. Diem said.
However, prior notice should not be understood as a story of "asking - giving" or determining who has more rights. "This is simply respect for each other. If the child's father or mother is not comfortable with something, the new person should stop at their limits" - Ms. Diem affirmed.
Even, posting children's photos on social networks needs to be even more cautious, because young children cannot fully assess the consequences when their images are publicly posted on the Internet.
According to Ms. Diem, after divorce, parents should agree on principles for picking up and dropping off, schedules, cases that need to be notified, and sharing photos of their children.
A mother does not need to turn her child into an ally, and new people do not need to replace anyone's position. Each person knows their limits and stands in their right position, so the relationship will not be tense, and the child will always fully feel the love of adults," Ms. Diem shared.
In the end, Ms. Diem thinks that adults may still have problems that cannot be resolved. But what a child needs is not to know who is right and who is wrong, but to receive love without having to stand in the middle of the adults' struggle.
