He sat there, his shoulders down, stirring up coffee as if he was holding something heavy in his heart.
- "I feel like I'm living like a machine these days". Huy opened the interview.
I looked at it. Not surprising. Because I have seen myself like that.
- Wake up in the morning, go to work, go home, eat via loudspeaker, surf the phone, sleep. Then continue. Not sad, not happy, not exactly tired, just... gone" - Huy said
- Ugh - I nodded. - Its like living without really living. Everything operates according to habit, without any decision".
- "Have you ever seen yourself... gradually disappear?" - Huy laughed bitterly. - "I can't remember when I was last really excited. There are no more specific dreams. I don't see anything that makes my heart beat so fast."
I was silent for a while. Then she told him a small thing.
- "I fell into that vicious cycle. To the point of thinking: Or quit your job, or go away for a trip. But then I realized that the problem was not at work, but within me.
- "What are you doing then?" - Huy exclaimed.
- "I started doing something very small every day. It's very small. Like waking up 10 minutes earlier in the morning, making a cup of coffee without turning on the phone. Or write a few lines in the diary, even if it is just: "Today it rains, but I am at peace". Or walk slowly after work, look carefully at the streets you pass by every day without ever paying attention.
Quietly. I continued:
- "It doesn't always have to be explosive. But I need to do something to see that I am still... human. Still alive. You can choose.
He laughed:
- "I thought I was the only one who was like that. Now I feel a little relieved.
- "Many people are affected. But not many people say it. Because everyone is afraid of being called "weak" or "weak to progress".
Huy looked out at the rainwater window frame. Then he took out his phone and deleted a few social media applications. I see in his eyes a little more real light for the first time.
- "When I get back tonight, I will try to paint again. Even though it was the last time I held a colored pen in grade 9.
I smiled.
- "That's it. Start with what makes you feel bright. It's okay to be late. But it must be morning. As for me, I will probably start raising ornamental fish, or I will plant and take care of a tree myself.
