After 40 years of living together, my husband and I have never really distinguished who's money is. When I was working, our income was put into a common fund to take care of the family. When the children grew up, we still maintained that management method. Therefore, when we entered retirement age and each person started receiving their own pension, the fact that my husband wanted to keep some money for himself made me think.
I am 65 years old this year, my husband is two years older than me. The children are all married and have their own lives. Large expenses such as raising children, studying or shopping for the family are no longer a burden as before.
When I was young, my husband worked in a company, and I worked at a state agency. The income of the two was not always equal, but we never calculated too clearly. Salaries were collected, then allocated for living expenses, savings and other necessary expenses.
That way of life lasted for many years to the point that both of them considered it obvious in marriage.
But when she retired, her husband began to propose keeping a portion of his pension for himself.
Initially, I felt disappointed. Not because that amount of money was large or small, but because after four decades, this is the first time between husband and wife that the concept of "private money" has appeared.
I used to think that as husband and wife, all income should be used for the family. Therefore, the fact that my husband wants to manage a part of the money himself makes me feel like he is creating a distance that has never existed before.
But after thinking for a while, I realized the problem might not be money.
When children have grown up, family needs decrease, and each person enters a different stage of life. After many years of working and caring for the family, wanting to have money that you can proactively use is probably also a legitimate need.
In fact, I myself have also had expenses that I didn't need to think much about before. I can buy a set of clothes, help relatives or buy things I like without feeling the need to explain. If my husband also wants to have similar initiative, it does not necessarily mean that marital feelings change.
More importantly, the two people agree on which money is for the family and which money is under personal decision.
After many exchanges, we agreed that each person would keep a portion of their own pension. The remaining amount will still be put into the common fund to pay for electricity, water, food, medicine, travel and arising expenses for both.
This method initially made me unfamiliar. After 40 years, starting to divide money into portions is like having to re-learn a habit that is already too familiar.
But then I realized that when everyone has their own amount, small things in life become lighter.
My husband doesn't need to explain every time he wants to buy a personal item. I also don't have to consider whether I'm using too much of the common money or not. At the same time, the large family expenses are still discussed by the two as before.
From my story, I think that splitting money at retirement age is not necessarily a sign of a rift. Conversely, if clearly agreed upon, this could be a way for two people to respect each other's autonomy more.
Because private money can help each person feel independent, but the common fund is the place to show responsibility for the life that the two people have built together.
